Naming the storm
Life doesn’t ask for permission before it breaks us open. Divorce, heartbreak, loss, betrayal — sometimes it feels like the rug gets yanked out and we’re left gasping, asking: How do I start again?
I’ve been there. My divorce was one of those moments where I thought, this is the end of me. But what I’ve learned is that hard things don’t have to define you. They can refine you. Like a butterfly fighting its way out of the cocoon or a phoenix rising from its ashes, pain is often the birthplace of transformation.
1. Stop Rushing the Timeline
We live in a culture obsessed with speed. “Move on.” “Get over it.” “Bounce back.”
But grief doesn’t move in straight lines or by deadlines. Some days you’ll feel strong, and other days a memory will knock the breath out of you. Both are okay. Healing isn’t linear — and that doesn’t mean you’re failing. Even the butterfly spends time in the dark before its wings ever see the light.
2. Grace is Your New Religion
Grace isn’t just forgiveness; it’s permission.
- Permission to cry on a Tuesday morning.
- Permission to celebrate small wins (like getting out of bed).
- Permission to rebuild slowly, piece by piece.
We can be so quick to give grace to others but stingy with ourselves. Flip that script. You are worthy of gentleness. Even the phoenix needs a moment to shake the ash from its feathers before it soars again.
3. Practical Steps to Move Forward
- Anchor your body: Exercise, stretch, walk outside. Movement shakes grief loose.
- Anchor your mind: Journal, pray, meditate — find a daily ritual that clears the fog.
- Anchor your circle: Surround yourself with people who pour into you, not drain you. Curate your support like you’d curate your closet — only keep what fits and feels good.
4. Reclaim Your Identity
Divorce, or any loss, can make you feel like your entire identity has been ripped away. But here’s the truth: you’re still you. You still have passions, quirks, talents, and dreams that existed before the pain. Begin rediscovering them — try that class, wear that outfit, sketch that design, post that video. Like wings breaking free or flames forging new strength, reclaiming yourself is the most radical act of healing.
5. Redefine “Forward”
Moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting the past. It means choosing not to live in it. The right way to move forward is the way that honors your truth — not what society, your family, or your ex thinks. Forward can look like a new city, a new career, or just finally enjoying your own company again.
A Gentle Reminder
You are not behind. You are not broken. You are in the middle of transformation. Remember: the butterfly can’t go back to being a caterpillar. The phoenix cannot return to the ashes. And you? You are becoming something greater than you ever imagined.
Give yourself grace. That’s the real glow-up.
The Aphrodite Collective 
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